Letters From Antarctica (Hellboy, Nuada/Myers)

I know you’re the one that got me transferred down here. I talked to Liz and I get it. You’re jealous. Liz and I were (and are) only friends, though, so you have nothing to worry about. I left very specific instructions with your new handler, but if you feel he’s not doing a good enough job, let me or Manning know and it will be handled. I still care about you, big guy. 🙂

Did you know the Thing was real? Like, the Thing from that movie with the researchers and the dog? You could have at least warned me! It’s like some newbie hazing thing down here – watch the fresh meat get freaked out by the Thing-dog. I’d be hanging around that do for a week before I knew.

I LET IT SLEEP IN MY BED!!!!

IT STILL SLEEPS IN MY BED!!!! I can’t make it go away now.

Like, Johnson and Quarles were snickering when I went to pet it, and everyone kept smiling at me my first day like they were waiting for me to sit on a whoopee cushion or something. That’s what it does – Barkley, I named the fucking thing, don’t even start with me on how fucked up that is but it didn’t have a name – it plays friendly for a few hours and then goes all monster form and freaks the new guy out.

Only it didn’t. At all. For a week.

People were STARING and I was just wandering around with this monster in dog form AND THEY LET ME. I would probably still be in the dark, but it followed me out on my rounds and this fucking Woolly Mammoth comes out of nowhere – THERE ARE WOOLLY MAMMOTHS IN ANTARCTICA! I HAVE YET TO SEE A PENGUIN! – and Barkley just busts out this gaping maw full of a million teeth and eats the thing. Whole.

I almost PEED MYSELF.

And the dog-Thing won’t go away. It likes me, according to Commander Nuna.

Hope things are well there. Barkley picture attached.

John